Have you noticed that we live in a very self-focused and self-centered world? Life has become all about “me.” Many people believe that the world should revolve around their comfort, their needs, and their rights. And when God doesn’t come through for us as we think He should, we can become very indignant and judgmental.
Helping a Counselee
Consider this scenario: a counselee comes in seeking help to understand the difficulties she’s going through or the hurts from her past. She says she’s a follower of Christ and knows He has saved her. Yet she doesn’t understand what is going on in her life.
After spending time getting to know her and hearing her story, I realize she has been sinned against in very significant and heartbreaking ways — in ways that grieve the heart of God. And inevitably I come to the reason she has come for counseling: Why?
Why me? Why this? Why would a good God allow these things to happen to me?
Starting with Assumptions
Often, we start with the wrong assumptions. We assume that God is a lot like us — that He thinks the way we do and wants the things we want. We assume that God’s chief desire for His children is to meet all our desires, wants, and needs. We have the notion that He’s here for us to do our bidding and make our lives comfortable. We believe His highest goal is to make sure His children are happy, and we expect Him to move Heaven and Earth to make sure of that.
Another major assumption we have is that God’s love and character can be judged according to our circumstances. We evaluate Him according to our own standards of how our lives should go. If He measures up and gives us what we want, He’s great. If our circumstances are difficult or heartbreaking, we judge God as not being good or assume He is withholding good from us. After all, He’s sovereign and all-powerful, so why isn’t He coming through for us?
Biblical Truths
I encourage my counselee to begin with the right foundation of biblical truth: God is good and all He does is good (Ps. 119:68), and there is no evil in Him (James 1:13). God is full of compassion and does not willingly bring affliction or grief into our lives (Lam. 3:31-33).
God is infinite in wisdom; His ways are higher than our ways, and His thoughts are higher than our thoughts (Isa. 55:9). He knows exactly how our lives should go and what it will take to conform and transform us into the likeness of Christ. And He’s willing to allow us to go through the fire in order to test and purify our faith (1 Pet. 1:6-7).
I’m not trying to avoid tough questions that my counselee has, but I am praying that she will understand that there’s more to what is going on than just her difficulties. I have to help my counselee understand that we have insufficient and limited knowledge. There are many things we don’t know or cannot understand this side of heaven. When we fix our eyes on the here and now (the temporal), we neglect what’s being accomplished in the eternal realm (2 Cor. 4:16-18).
I explain that we are not in a position to judge or evaluate God’s character on the basis of our circumstances or by our own understanding. If we could judge God’s character according to circumstances, what are some possible conclusions we could come up with when we consider the crucifixion of Jesus Christ, the One who paid the price with His life to redeem wicked rebels to reconcile us to God?
Consider Job
After God’s glowing assessment of Job, Satan said to God, “Does Job fear God for nothing?” In other words, was Job following God primarily for what God could do for him? Or, did he love God just for who He is? Suffering reveals whether this is true of us also. Suffering often reveals the treasures of our hearts. As we go through suffering, many times God reveals to us whether or not our highest desire is to exalt and glorify the Lord Jesus Christ.
When our desires (or demands) are not met, are we more concerned about God explaining Himself and answering our “why” questions? Are we more concerned about finding relief rather than finding God? Do we follow Christ primarily because of what He will do for us or give us, or because He is worthy of our worship as our Savior and Lord?
Are we willing to submit to God’s will for our lives even if it includes difficult circumstances? Can our souls be at peace knowing His mercy and grace will help us through the trials, even though we don’t have all the answers (Heb. 4:16)?
God is not obligated to explain His actions in our lives or to tell us what He intends to bring out of our hard circumstances. We are to walk by faith and trust that some way, some time, somehow God will work all things together for our good as He conforms us to the likeness of His Son (Rom. 8:28-29). In the meantime, can we trust Him?
Trusting Is a Process
One does not get to this point of trusting God in difficult circumstances overnight. This will require deliberate, conscious, and intentional choices. It takes discipline to be joyful always, pray continually, and give thanks in all circumstances (1 Thess. 5:16-18). Yet that is what God asks us to do, and thankfully He promises His grace to enable us to obey.
When we start with a foundation of biblical truth as revealed in Scripture, we are able to evaluate and interpret the events of our lives through the correct assumptions. We will determine that we are not in a position to judge God. This helps us put confidence in the character of God while depending on His grace so that we can honor and glorify Him and experience His peace in the midst of the storms of life.
God may not give my counselee all the answers she desires, but she can choose to trust Him rather than judge Him. Through Jesus’ suffering on our behalf and by His Spirit, God will enable us to rejoice in our sufferings because suffering produces perseverance, perseverance character, and character hope. And hope does not disappoint us because God has poured out His love into our hearts (Rom. 5:1-5). We can be confident that God understands and cares, and His grace will be sufficient.
Questions for Reflection
When life is tough, do you question God’s goodness or character? What truths from Scripture have helped you trust Him even though He has not explained Himself to you? How do you counsel others when they have difficult questions?