The previous post introduced a series of considerations for counseling victims of rape and sexual abuse. First, she is probably traumatized. Sexual violation is almost always considered to be a traumatic event, usually unleashing a host of physical, perceptual, and emotional horrors for the victim. Secondly, she is likely tempted to devalue her body. In counseling, we must value her as an embodied soul—a person with spiritual needs but also with a broken body.
In this post, we will move from trauma and the body to a discussion of narrative and storytelling. Is it valuable for a victim to retell her story of abuse? How does it fit within the larger mosaic of the Author’s intent?
Consideration 3: Don’t Shy Away From Her Story
Most sexual abuse victims take years to vocalize their violation, if they speak of it at all. Many are dismissed, disbelieved, or courteously urged to keep the details private. After Amnon raped Tamar, David ignored her and Absalom told her to keep quiet (2 Sam. 13:19-21). “Here is a classic lesson in how not to provide soul care…‘Don’t take this thing to heart.’ This thing? He can’t even name it!”[1]
The twin themes of euphemism (“this thing”) and avoidance (“don’t take it to heart”) are common reactions to the word “rape.” Perhaps because the topic makes us uncomfortable, our responses are often empty and ill-strung, like funeral verbiage. Sexual violation, like death, is a harsh reminder of humanity’s brokenness. It is not uncommon for counselors to shy away from the trauma narrative, preferring rather to focus on sinful responses to the abuse.
“I used to think that by allowing my clients to talk only about the key aspects of abuse incidents, I was protecting them. In retrospect, I believe I was actually defending myself from having to face the full horror of what they had experienced.”[2]
In His treatment of the sin-afflicted and shamed, Jesus never shielded himself from horror. He was not carried by slaves on a kingly litter, skimming high above the world’s brokenness. He stooped down to touch dirt and deformity and disease (Mark 1:40-41; Luke 13:12-13; John 9:6). He suffered the degradation of criminal trauma himself (Gal. 3:13; 1 Pet. 2:24). If we as counselors are skittish with a woman’s trauma narrative, we may make it difficult for her to see Christ.
Consideration 4: Tell Her a Better Story
Your counselee’s story matters—because she matters to Christ and because God will redeem every wicked act committed against her (and every sin she committed in response). But help your counselee expand the narrative; acknowledge that she is just one small piece of a dazzling mosaic (Heb. 2:9-18). Scripture is laced with victims of incest, prostitution, and oppression. God deliberately chose to write redemption into His Story through the most despised, mistreated, unloved, outcast, sexually complicated women in history.[3] “Possessing a complicated but redeemed sexual history doesn’t make you dangerous, it puts you in good company.”[4]
Think of Tamar, who masqueraded as a harlot to wrench promised justice from her father-in-law (Gen. 38:26); or Bathsheba, defenseless against a king’s adulterous lust (2 Sam. 11-12); or Rahab, a prostitute (Josh. 2). Yet, these women make a surprising appearance in Matthew’s Gospel’s lineage of the King (Matt. 1:3-16).
“The sexual cloud over these women’s lives helps Matthew prepare the way for Mary and the conception of Jesus…Each of [these women] encounters enormous obstacles in a male-dominated world and breaks through to success. They are all feisty, courageous women, helping us to redefine what is feminine…Jesus is honored to have these women in his legacy.”[5]
Shameless freedom comes not only from embracing your own story, but in being embedded in a better story (Heb. 2:9-18).
Remember the Broken Bread of Life
Trauma has a repetitive memory. Flashbacks attack again and again, repeating the same memories again and again. But faith also has a repetitive memory. It rehearses the same promises again and again, calls to mind new mercies again and again (Lam. 3:22-23; Eph. 5:18-21; Heb. 3:13). How can you help your counselee recurrently cling to truth?
Amid my darkest season, I found myself surprisingly moved by the celebration of Communion—by remembering Jesus. This whole-body, in-community, recurrent symbolism took my mind off my own broken body and my own shattered trust. It shifted my attention to the Messiah, with repetitive memories of His suffering (Luke 22:19-20; 1 Cor. 11:23-26). Jesus wrapped himself in woundable, perishable flesh, and was tortured to death because of love. He is the Bread of Life, broken for us (John 6:35-58). In remembering Jesus, we do not deny our pain, but rather embrace it as a mark of the kingdom, a welcome into the fellowship of suffering—this is my life, poured out for you (Phil. 3:8-10).
Rape is abominable. But the pain of this moment isn’t worth being compared to the eternal weight of glory (2 Cor. 4:17-18). Let her weep, and weep with her. But lament is not forever, and this is not the end of the story, because the King of the new heaven and earth will clear away all tears. He is making all things new (Rom. 12:15; Rev. 21:4-5).
Questions for Reflection
How can you help your counselee find wholeness in the Bread of Life? How can you encourage her to choose joy—knowing that God is making her new?
Anna holds a MABC from the Master’s University and is ACBC certified. She works in the Research Doctoral Department of The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary and moonlights as a counselor with One-Eighty Counseling and Scarlet Hope – a nonprofit organization offering care, education, and work to women leaving the adult entertainment industry.
[1] Robert W. Kelleman, Sexual Abuse: Beauty for Ashes (Phillipsburg: P&R Publishing, Association of Biblical Counselors, 2013), 22-23.
[2] Heather Gingrich, Treating Trauma in Christian Counseling, ed. Heather and Fred Gingrich (Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 2017), 242.
[3] Genesis 16; 29:17, 35; 2 Sam 12:24; Joshua 6:25; Ruth 4:22; Luke 7:37; John 4; John 8:10.
[4] Rosaria Butterfield, Openness Unhindered: Further Thoughts of an Unlikely Convert on Sexual Identity and Unity in Christ (Pittsburgh: Crown & Covenant, 2015), 32.
[5] Paul Miller, A Loving Life: In a World of Broken Relationships (Wheaton: Crossway, 2014), 148-49.